Throwaway because my boss is on Reddit sometimes and would 100% recognize this.
I (29M) work as a software engineer at a mid-sized tech firm here in Austin. The company prides itself on being “chill, laid-back, Texas-friendly”—which apparently translates to everyone acting like we’re all frat brothers who never left college. Our open office has ping-pong tables, free beer on Fridays, and a weird obsession with calling everyone by diminutive nicknames.
My direct manager, let’s call him Chad (45M, born and raised in Dallas, wears cowboy boots unironically with khakis), has decided that “buddy” is my permanent name. Every single interaction:
- Morning standup: “Mornin’, buddy! How’s that ticket coming along?”
- Slack message: “Hey buddy, quick question on the API refactor”
- In a 1:1: “You’re killing it lately, buddy. Keep it up!”
- Even in emails to the whole team: “Great work on the deploy, buddy!”
It’s constant. Not “hey man,” not my actual name (which is short and easy), not even “dude.” Always “buddy.” And it’s not just me—he does it to most of the younger guys, but with me it’s dialed up to 11. The women on the team get “sweetheart” or “darlin'” from him sometimes (which is its own can of worms), but for the dudes it’s this forced bro-vibe.
At first I brushed it off—Texas thing, right? Southern hospitality or whatever. But after 8 months of it, every time I hear “buddy” my soul dies a little. It feels infantilizing, like he’s talking to a kid or a dog. “Good boy, buddy!” vibes. It makes me feel small, disrespected, and like my professional identity doesn’t matter—I’m just “the buddy.”
I’ve tried subtle hints:
- Signed my replies with my full name.
- Referred to him as “Chad” pointedly.
- Once jokingly said, “You know my name’s [Name], right?” He laughed and said, “Aw, come on buddy, it’s all in good fun!”
No change. The rest of the team either doesn’t notice or plays along with the culture. There’s this unspoken pressure to “be one of the guys”—join the fantasy football league, go to the barbecue hangouts, laugh at the bro jokes—or you’re seen as “not a team player.”
I’m introverted, I do my job well, I just want to be treated like a professional adult. But this constant “buddy” is eroding my sanity. I dread meetings now. I’ve started muting Slack notifications from him because seeing “buddy” pop up makes my blood pressure spike.
Anyone else stuck in a workplace drowning in this fake bro culture? Especially in Texas/Southern offices? How do you survive without snapping and yelling “STOP CALLING ME BUDDY, CHAD”? Or am I just being too sensitive?
TL;DR: Boss calls me “buddy” nonstop in a very Texas bro-culture office. It’s condescending and relentless, and it’s making me hate my job. Tips for handling without burning bridges?