My name is Nick, I’m 30, and I live in Portland, Oregon. If you know anything about Portland, you know that coffee culture here is practically a religion.
Every block has at least two cafés, and everyone seems to have very specific opinions about beans, roasts, brewing methods, and latte art.
Which brings me to my incredibly minor but apparently controversial social experiment.
For years I’ve had the same awkward interaction whenever I buy coffee.
The barista hands me the cup and says something like, “Enjoy your drink!”
And my automatic response has always been: “You too.”
Which makes absolutely no sense.
They’re not drinking the coffee.
But it’s one of those reflex responses people say without thinking, like when someone says “Have a good flight” and you reply “You too,” even though they’re not getting on the plane.
A few weeks ago I decided I would stop doing that.
Instead of saying “you too,” I would simply say “Thanks.”
Seems normal, right?
Apparently not.
The first time I tried it, the barista handed me my latte and said, “Enjoy.”
I smiled and said, “Thanks.”
Then I walked away.
As I turned toward the door, I noticed the barista staring at me like I had just broken some kind of unspoken social contract.
The second time it happened was at a different café.
Same situation.
“Enjoy your coffee!”
“Thanks!”
Again, the barista gave me a slightly confused look.
The third time was where things got truly uncomfortable.
The barista said, “Enjoy your drink.”
I said, “Thanks.”
He paused, stared at me for a moment, and then said very slowly, “You’re… welcome.”
The tone suggested I had somehow failed a test.
Now I’m starting to wonder if there’s some kind of Portland coffee etiquette rule I accidentally violated.
Maybe the correct script is:
Barista: “Enjoy your coffee.”
Customer: “You too.”
Even though logically it makes no sense.
But since I stopped saying it, I’ve noticed more than one barista giving me what I can only describe as the death stare of beverage service confusion.
So now I’m stuck with a strange dilemma.
Do I continue living truthfully, saying “thanks” like a normal human?
Or do I return to the nonsensical but socially accepted “you too” response just to maintain peace in Portland’s coffee ecosystem?
At this point I’m honestly worried that if I keep breaking the script, my latte art might start arriving with judgmental messages.
And in this city, that feels like a real possibility.