My name is Lauren, I’m 31, and I work remotely for a company based in Hartford, Connecticut. Like many workplaces now, we do a lot of virtual events — birthdays, team games, and recently, baby showers.
Last week, one of my coworkers announced her virtual baby shower, and an invite was sent out to the whole team.
It was scheduled for a Wednesday afternoon.
Normally I would attend something like that, even if just to show support. It’s a small team, and participation in these events is kind of expected.
The problem was the timing.
The shower was scheduled at 2:00 p.m., which is exactly when I have my weekly therapy appointment.
For context, this is not something I casually reschedule.
I’ve been going to the same therapist for months, and it’s an important part of how I manage stress and anxiety. Appointments are hard to move, and honestly, it’s one of the few consistent things I prioritize for my mental health.
When I saw the invite, I responded politely saying I wouldn’t be able to attend due to a prior commitment.
I didn’t specify what the commitment was, just that I had something scheduled at that time.
A couple coworkers replied with “no worries” and heart emojis.
Everything seemed fine.
Until the day of the shower.
Later that afternoon, I got a message from one of my teammates asking why I didn’t at least “pop in for a few minutes.”
I explained again that I had an appointment I couldn’t move.
That’s when things got slightly uncomfortable.
They said, “It was just an hour — it would’ve meant a lot.”
Another coworker chimed in later saying that everyone else made time to attend.
Now I’m feeling weird about it.
On one hand, I understand that these events are meant to build team morale and celebrate life moments.
On the other hand, I feel like a medical or therapy appointment should be a completely valid reason to miss a virtual gathering.
I didn’t ignore the event.
I didn’t ghost.
I let people know ahead of time that I wouldn’t be able to make it.
But now there’s this subtle pressure like I should have rearranged something personal to show up, even briefly.
For the record, I sent a gift and a congratulatory message afterward.
I just didn’t attend the call itself.
So now I’m wondering if I handled this wrong.
AITAH for skipping a virtual baby shower because it conflicted with a therapy appointment I didn’t want to reschedule?
