My name is Daniel, I’m 32, and I work in a small accounting office in Columbus, Ohio. There are only eight of us in the entire office, so everyone tends to know each other pretty well… or at least most of them do.
I’ve been working there for about nine months, and for the most part I keep to myself. I’m polite, I do my work, and I go home. I’m not antisocial or anything, but I’m also not someone who hangs around chatting all day.
Last week, something awkward happened that has now turned into office drama.
One of my coworkers, Ashley, is pregnant and due in about two months. She’s been with the company for several years, so most of the office is pretty close with her. I honestly don’t interact with her much because we work in different departments.
On Monday morning, one of the senior employees, Karen, came around with a card and a little envelope asking everyone to contribute money for Ashley’s baby shower gift.
Karen explained that they were planning to buy a large stroller and some baby supplies, and everyone was expected to chip in $40.
Now normally I wouldn’t mind contributing a small amount for something like that. But two things bothered me.
First, $40 felt like a lot for a workplace collection, especially when nobody asked if people were comfortable with that amount.
Second, I barely know Ashley. We’ve maybe had two short conversations in the nine months I’ve worked there.
When Karen handed me the envelope, I politely said, “Hey, I’m really sorry, but I’m going to pass on this one.”
She gave me this surprised look and asked why.
I told her honestly that I didn’t really know Ashley well and that money is a bit tight right now. I’m currently paying off student loans and trying to save for a move later this year.
Karen didn’t say anything at first, but her expression definitely changed.
Later that afternoon, I noticed the mood in the office felt… weird.
Two coworkers who usually chat with me during lunch barely spoke to me. At one point I overheard someone say, “It’s just forty bucks.”
Apparently Karen had told everyone that I refused to contribute.
The next day things got even more awkward.
Ashley actually came up to my desk and said, “I heard you didn’t want to participate in the baby shower.”
She wasn’t rude exactly, but it was clear she felt a little hurt or embarrassed.
I told her that it wasn’t personal and that I wished her the best, but since we don’t really know each other, I didn’t feel comfortable contributing to a large group gift.
She nodded but the conversation ended quickly.
Now the office atmosphere feels tense. A couple coworkers have been making little comments like “team spirit matters in a small workplace.”
On the other hand, a friend of mine said it’s ridiculous to expect employees to spend money on coworkers they barely know.
For the record, I did sign the card wishing her well. I just didn’t add money to the gift fund.
So now I’m wondering if I handled this wrong.
AITAH for refusing to chip in for a coworker’s baby shower when I barely know her?