My name is Kevin, I’m 36, and I live in a townhouse community in Scottsdale, Arizona with a very active HOA.
And by “active,” I mean they notice everything.
Grass height.
Trash bin timing.
Even the color of your outdoor light bulbs.
But I didn’t realize how far that attention to detail went until last week.
I came home from work and found an official-looking envelope taped to my front door.
Inside was a notice from the HOA.
Violation.
Fine: $150.
The reason?
“Display of hostile or unwelcoming language at property entrance.”
At first, I genuinely thought it had been sent to the wrong address.
So I kept reading.
The notice included a photo.
Of my front door.
And right there, clearly visible in the picture, was my doormat.
It says:
“Go Away.”
Now, to be clear, this is not some aggressive, threatening message.
It’s one of those novelty doormats you see everywhere.
Slightly sarcastic.
Kind of funny.
At least… I thought it was.
Apparently, the HOA did not.
According to the notice, the doormat created an “unwelcoming environment” and violated community standards for maintaining a “friendly and inclusive atmosphere.”
I stared at the letter for a solid minute trying to process the idea that my doormat had somehow become a community issue.
The next day, I called the HOA office to ask about it.
I explained that the mat was clearly meant as a joke.
The person on the phone said, very seriously:
“We have to consider how language may be perceived by residents and visitors.”
I asked if anyone had actually complained.
They said they couldn’t disclose that information.
Which I’m pretty sure means… yes.
Now I’m stuck in a situation where I either:
A) remove the doormat and accept defeat
or
B) keep it and potentially receive additional fines
The most absurd part is that this same neighborhood has at least three houses with signs like:
“Guard Dog on Duty”
And one yard with a motion-activated skeleton decoration that jumps out at people.
But my sarcastic doormat is apparently where the line is drawn.
At this point I’m considering replacing it with something more HOA-approved.
Maybe:
“Welcome, valued guests.”
Or:
“Please enjoy this legally compliant entryway.”
But honestly, that feels like losing.
Because if a simple “Go Away” doormat is considered hostile…
I’m not sure how anything in Scottsdale ever passes inspection.
For now, the mat is still there.
And I’m waiting to see if my front porch continues to be treated like a high-risk communication zone.
