My name is Kyle, I’m 29, and I live in Houston, Texas. My dad is what you might call extremely proud of being Texan. Think pickup truck, boots, grilling every weekend, and at least a dozen American flags somewhere around his house.
He’s also very passionate about politics.
Last month I made the mistake of casually mentioning that I had voted early in the election. We were sitting at the backyard barbecue table while he was flipping burgers and talking about turnout numbers.
He asked me the question that I should have known better than to answer directly.
“So who’d you vote for?”
Now normally I try to avoid political discussions with him because they almost always turn into debates that last two hours longer than anyone planned. But I figured we were just making conversation.
So I told him.
Apparently it was the wrong candidate.
He didn’t yell or get angry. Instead he got very quiet for a few seconds while flipping a burger.
Then he said, “Well… that’s disappointing.”
I thought that was the end of it.
It was not.
The next weekend we had another family barbecue at his house, which is a regular thing in my family. When I arrived, my dad greeted me with a big smile and handed me a small gift bag.
Inside was an American flag coffee mug.
He said, “Figured you could use a little more patriotism with your morning coffee.”
Everyone laughed and I assumed it was just a one-time joke.
But the following weekend it happened again.
This time it was a red, white, and blue baseball cap with an embroidered flag on the front.
My dad handed it to me and said, “Just helping you stay on the right side of history.”
At that point the whole family started realizing what was going on.
Every barbecue since then has included some kind of new patriotic item.
Week three: an American flag grilling apron.
Week four: a flag-patterned blanket.
Week five: a set of star-spangled drink coasters.
My mom has started calling it my dad’s “patriotic re-education program.”
The funniest part is that he never actually argues with me about politics anymore. Instead he just silently adds another flag-themed item to the collection.
Last weekend he handed me a small box and said, “This one’s special.”
Inside was a miniature American flag desk statue.
At this point my apartment is starting to look like a souvenir shop outside a national monument.
I finally asked him how long he planned to keep doing this.
He just smiled and said, “Until you come to your senses.”
Honestly I’m not even mad about it anymore.
I’m mostly just curious how many patriotic household items actually exist.
Because if this continues much longer, I’m pretty sure my dad is eventually going to gift me an entire American flag lawn set.
And I’m not sure my apartment balcony is ready for that.